"Mark T"
2006-04-10 10:35:02 UTC
Debate Corner: Evolution or Evilution?
"I Aint No Monkey"
By: Travis Rhodes
Look at me. Do I look like a f*ckin' monkey to you? Do I live in a
f*ckin' tree, eat bananas and swing from vines to get from here to yonder?
I don't think so. I live in a f*ckin' trailer like a normal person and I
don't cotton to no f*ckin' bananers! Were my ancestors monkeys? No, they
were from Europe somewheres and last time I checked there weren't no damned
monkeys in Europe. My grandpa was a coal miner like his daddy before him,
and I assume my daddy wasn't no monkey or else I'd look like a damn monkey,
which I don't! I work at the Walgreens operating high-tech gizmos like
computerized cash registers and bar code readers and such that no monkey
could ever figure out in a million years. You ever see a monkey working at
Walgreens or as a coal miner? Well, maybe on the TV or in movies, but
that's
all Hollywood hogwash and clever camera tricks. In conclusion, I believe
that if evolution were for real there'd be a bunch of half men - half
monkeys running around and there aint so therefore it's a bunch of
horseshit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A Critical Analysis of the Anthropocentric Undertones of the Word
'Evolution' as Used by Humans to Describe Their Own Manifestation"
By: Koko the Chimp
I strongly object to the positive connotation attached to the term
'evolve' as it is applied to the gradual transformation over time of a
species of primate proximal to my own into modern Homo sapiens by those very
Homo sapiens themselves. The implication that such a change represents an
improvement is an arbitrary one, yet the etymological value ascribed to the
term, which is readily apparent by the way it is used in juxtaposition to
its antonym 'devolve', has been unquestioningly espoused by the very beings
who invented spoken and written language in the first place. How
convenient. You'd think these people had never heard of another term they
made up to describe this very type of thing: 'conflict of interest'. Why
doesn't Madonna just start reviewing her own albums in Rolling Stone, or the
White House begin writing its own news? And what of this insinuation that
humans are so magnificent and far superior to monkeys or chimpanzees in the
first place? Sure, I might not live in a fancy mobile home and eat greasy
cheeseburgers for lunch, but you know what else I don't do? I don't spend
over half of my waking day at some crummy job or in some crappy war staring
at a computer screen or killing members of my own species to make some
monkey higher on the vine fatter for the privilege of not starving or
freezing to death myself. No, I spend my day whacking off in a tree, and
when I get hungry I reach over and grab a 'f*ckin bananer'. THPPPPPT!
Classifieds
Lost Father - white male, early
80s. Left house for Frank
Sinatra concert at Burger King,
never returned. Last seen
wearing yellow polka dot dress,
pink sun hat. Call 785-9068.
Wal-Mart now hiring senior
citizens, the disabled to hobble
around the store improving our
public image. Some unpaid
commercial work possible.
$7.50/hr. See on-site mgr.
Horny? Have sex with ugly,
disease ridden people in your
area tonight! 1-900-IMA-LOSR
"I Aint No Monkey"
By: Travis Rhodes
Look at me. Do I look like a f*ckin' monkey to you? Do I live in a
f*ckin' tree, eat bananas and swing from vines to get from here to yonder?
I don't think so. I live in a f*ckin' trailer like a normal person and I
don't cotton to no f*ckin' bananers! Were my ancestors monkeys? No, they
were from Europe somewheres and last time I checked there weren't no damned
monkeys in Europe. My grandpa was a coal miner like his daddy before him,
and I assume my daddy wasn't no monkey or else I'd look like a damn monkey,
which I don't! I work at the Walgreens operating high-tech gizmos like
computerized cash registers and bar code readers and such that no monkey
could ever figure out in a million years. You ever see a monkey working at
Walgreens or as a coal miner? Well, maybe on the TV or in movies, but
that's
all Hollywood hogwash and clever camera tricks. In conclusion, I believe
that if evolution were for real there'd be a bunch of half men - half
monkeys running around and there aint so therefore it's a bunch of
horseshit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A Critical Analysis of the Anthropocentric Undertones of the Word
'Evolution' as Used by Humans to Describe Their Own Manifestation"
By: Koko the Chimp
I strongly object to the positive connotation attached to the term
'evolve' as it is applied to the gradual transformation over time of a
species of primate proximal to my own into modern Homo sapiens by those very
Homo sapiens themselves. The implication that such a change represents an
improvement is an arbitrary one, yet the etymological value ascribed to the
term, which is readily apparent by the way it is used in juxtaposition to
its antonym 'devolve', has been unquestioningly espoused by the very beings
who invented spoken and written language in the first place. How
convenient. You'd think these people had never heard of another term they
made up to describe this very type of thing: 'conflict of interest'. Why
doesn't Madonna just start reviewing her own albums in Rolling Stone, or the
White House begin writing its own news? And what of this insinuation that
humans are so magnificent and far superior to monkeys or chimpanzees in the
first place? Sure, I might not live in a fancy mobile home and eat greasy
cheeseburgers for lunch, but you know what else I don't do? I don't spend
over half of my waking day at some crummy job or in some crappy war staring
at a computer screen or killing members of my own species to make some
monkey higher on the vine fatter for the privilege of not starving or
freezing to death myself. No, I spend my day whacking off in a tree, and
when I get hungry I reach over and grab a 'f*ckin bananer'. THPPPPPT!
Classifieds
Lost Father - white male, early
80s. Left house for Frank
Sinatra concert at Burger King,
never returned. Last seen
wearing yellow polka dot dress,
pink sun hat. Call 785-9068.
Wal-Mart now hiring senior
citizens, the disabled to hobble
around the store improving our
public image. Some unpaid
commercial work possible.
$7.50/hr. See on-site mgr.
Horny? Have sex with ugly,
disease ridden people in your
area tonight! 1-900-IMA-LOSR